I did not lose my child

I hate that term.
Loss.
I didn't lose my child.
But yet, I use it all the time.
We all do.

Why?

Because we dislike the term death more.
Nobody wants to hear about death.
Nobody wants to talk about death.
Even though death is a part of life.


Miscarry.
That is another term I hate.
I didn't miscarry my child, either.
I carried my baby the best way that I knew how.

But, I will still say that I had a miscarriage over my baby died.
I still say that I lost my baby, even though I didn't.
I know exactly where my baby is.  He is in Heaven.

So, even though I may still say that I lost my baby, I didn't.
And, even though I may still say that I miscarried my baby, I didn't.

My baby died.
I did nothing wrong.
I don't know why my baby died.
I have no explanation.
But, I do know where my baby is.
And, I know that I will see him again, one day!

A loss is a loss

A loss is a loss, so why are they treated differently.

A death is a death, so why are some deaths recognized, while others are treated as if nothing happened.

A person is a person, so why does it seem like some are more important than others.

I honestly hate the differences that are so apparent between losses/deaths.

When someone passes away, the family is giving so much to help them during their time of need.  People bring food, help take care of housework, help with the children, send sympathy cards, send flowers, offer support, call, attend the funeral, etc.

This happens for most deaths.

Most.

Not all.

You see, not all deaths are treated the same.

I had a miscarriage.  My baby died.  I was not that far along in my pregnancy {only 12 weeks when I had the miscarriage}, and my baby's heart stopped beating way before that {at a little over 7 weeks G.A.}.  But, why should that matter.

Read that paragraph again!  My baby's heart stopped beating.  He lived.  He died.

He is a person, just like everybody else.  So why was his death treated differently.

I wasn't able to have a funeral.  I didn't get that many phone calls.  I never received a sympathy card in the mail.  I never got flowers.  Nobody came to help me.  I did my own cooking and cleaning.

Why?

Why didn't people help me, like they help others when a loved one passes away?  Why wasn't my baby's death acknowledged?

Honestly, I don't know.  I don't have the answers.

But, I must keep living.  I must keep honoring and remembering Bo.  I must do the best that I can.

So, I have a memorial every month and on major holidays for Bo.  I remember him every day.  I miss him. I love him.

And, I do my best to help other BLMs.  To offer support, comfort, healing, hope, and encouragement.  To let them know that they are not alone on this journey.  To let them know that someone does care.  Someone does acknowledge them, their babies, and their losses.

I found this quote, and I think it fits some of what I am trying to say.

"Is the death of a fetus easier to endure than the death of an older child?  Is the grief of losing a limb greater than the grief of losing a life?  There is no such thing as greater or lesser grief.  One person's sadness is as great as another's."
- Author Unknown