Baby Dust by Deanna Roy

The other day, Wednesday, to be exact, I bought six books from Amazon.com.  Four of the books are related to miscarriages & pregnancy loss, and the other two are about pregnancy for first-time moms.  I figured these books would help me the most right now.  (While I will not be a first-time mom when I get pregnant again, most things that happen will be new to me.  I was only pregnant for 12 weeks when I had a miscarriage, so I missed out on the bigger things that happen during a pregnancy.)

Yesterday, I finished reading the book, Baby Dust:  A Novel about Miscarriage and Stillbirth by Deanna Roy.  This book was absolutely amazing.  Incredible.  Beautiful.

As I was reading the book, I kept thinking, "Yep.  That happened to me," or "That is exactly what I thought when I had my miscarriage," or "Wow!  I am not so crazy, after all!"

This book made me realize that no matter what, I did what I had to do to survive during my miscarriage, and that it was okay.  I was okay.  I was not crazy!

So, if you have not read this book, please go check it out.  Right now, in honor of International Women's Day, the eBook version is half-price (only $2.99) and is on sale for 48 hours only (according to A Place for Our Angels - Miscarriage and Stillbirth Memorials).  Even if you cannot buy the book right now, the normal price for the eBook version is only $5.99.

And, if you do not have a Kindle (I do not have one), you can get the Kindle reading app for free for your Computer, Smartphone, or Tablet.  I read books on my computer, then when I am tired of sitting at the computer, I switch to the phone.  That way, I can read while lying in bed, riding the bus, or sitting in a doctor's office.  It is wonderful!

I want to help!

So many BLMs have helped me through my grieving process, and I am so very grateful to all of them for what they have done.  Knowing that Bo is being remembered by others really helps me.

And, it has made me want to help.  I know that I cannot do much, but I want to support other BLMs as they have supported me.  I want to offer something to them that will help to soothe their hearts and souls.  But, I don't know what I can do.

So, I am looking for ways to helps other BLMs {but not just mommies, I want to help anyone who has suffered the loss of a pregnancy, baby, or child}.  If you have any ideas on how I can help, please let me know.  I really just want to offer my support and encouragement.

I am also looking for volunteering opportunities.  I know that volunteering is different in all areas, so I am researching this myself,  but if you have any links or suggestions, please leave a comment below.

Again, thank you to all of the wonderful BLMs who have been there for me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidenote:  I have a camera.  It is nothing much, but I am in love with it, and I am in love with photography.  I was thinking of offering unique photographs.  I can add custom art and lettering to them with programs on my computer.  But, I see that so many people already offer this, that I am not sure if anyone would want one.

What has helped

After I went in for my first ultrasound and heard the horrible news that they couldn't find my baby's heartbeat, I started scouring the internet.  I wanted to find as much information as I could to prepare myself for the worst.  I did my best to find as much information as I could.  BUT, no matter how much I did, how much I found, or how much I read, there was nothing I could have done to prepare me for the day that I had my miscarriage.

After I had my miscarriage, I turned to God, family, and friends, and once again, I found myself scouring the internet.  I knew that I was going to need help getting through this.  AND, I realized that there is no "getting through this," there is only "learning to live with it."  And, I am still finding my way to "live with it."

But, I have found so many resources to help me through the grieving process.  And, I wanted to share these resources that I have found with all of you.  There are so many support groups, blogs, songs, quotes, and poems that I have found that have helped me.

Support Groups:  Search online - Search Facebook - And, if you would like to know some of the ones that I have joined, send me an e-mail.  I will be glad to give you the names of them.  Also, try Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope.  They have Face2Face Groups, where not only can you join an online community, but if you are able to, you can go to events for more support.

Quotes:  As I scoured the internet, I found so many quotes.  Here are some of my favorites!

*Just think, the first time he opened his eyes, he saw God!*
- Authour Unknown

*Do not judge the bereaved mother.  She comes in many forms.  She is breathing, but she is dying.  She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.  She smiles, but her heart sobs.  She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once.  She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.*
- Author Unknown

*An angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth, then whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth."*
- Author Unknown

Poems:  I like to write, so I have written some for my baby.  Here is a link to the poem I wrote, "My Baby, My Angel."  And, here is a link to a poem that I found that I really loved, ♥What Makes A Mother♥ by Jennifer Wasik.

Songs:  All of the songs listed can be found on Youtube.com.  You can click each link to find them.

"Still" by Gerrit Hofsink
"Hug Him Once For Me"
"Small Bump" by Ed Sheeran
"Glory Baby" by Watermark
"Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney

Blogs:  Here are links to some of my favorite blogs.  Now, these are not all of the blogs that I follow or read, but just a few that I have found that really help.  There are so many that you can find, just by searching for blogs about miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, etc.

Sufficient Grace Ministries
Tossie's Tree and Painted Rocks
Pinwheels from Heaven
Precious Baby Alanna Phoebe
Tesha's Treasures
Small Bird Studios

I did not write a description for any of these because I just cannot come up with words that would describe them effectively.  They are all great blogs.  Please go check them out, if you haven't already.

All of these resources have helped me and are continuing to help me.  I hope that they can help you as well.  And, if you have any other great resources that helped you, please share them in the comments below!  Thank you all!

The things I've learned...

Before, during, and after my miscarriage, I heard, saw, and read many things that I did not know before.  Many terms I had never heard are now becoming a part of my daily life.  Here are a list of several things I had never heard of until after I was pregnant.

Did you know?

• A miscarriage is commonly referred to as a spontaneous abortion {source}.
• Women can have missed miscarriages, also known as missed abortions {source}.
• I had a missed miscarriage.  My baby's heart stopped at 7 weeks, but I did not have my miscarriage until I was almost 12 weeks.  My baby continued to grow until he was measuring 9 weeks, but he did not have a heart beat.  So, I was actually 12 weeks along when I had my miscarriage, but I always say that I was 9 weeks because that is how big my baby was.
• Some pregnancies can be considered failed pregnancies or "incompatible with life" {source}.
• Two terms I hate very much and will be writing about in another blog post.  Luckily, I never heard these terms from my doctors.
• Rainbow babies are babies born after miscarriage, still birth, and babies lost early in life {source}.
• I cannot wait to start TTC my Rainbow baby.  I am a Rainbow baby myself, so I know it is possible.  I also know that God will bless me when the time is right!
• You don't know exactly how it feels until you have been there yourself.
• I have lost other relatives (including my brother and papa), so I know how it feels to lose someone, but the grief from losing a child is so much different.
• If your child has passed away, you are not alone.  Whether it is miscarriage, abortion, still-birth, infant loss, or even losing an adult child, there are others who have been there.
• I did not realize, until after my miscarriage, how often it happens.  I also did not know how many support groups there are and how many people are willing to help you through the grieving process.

There are still several things I am learning, as well. Things about my body, my life, my thoughts, my dreams, my emotions, and my health.  Things that I need to know, but wish that I didn't.

Walking With You: Introduction & Where I am Now

So, for the next 6 weeks (1 post a week), I will be linking up with Sufficient Grace Ministries for the Walking With You Series.

The topic this week is:

January 7, 2013 ~ Introduction and Where are You Now?

Tell us a little about yourself, your baby, and how you've come to this walk.  Also, where are you now in your grief and healing?  Are you new to this, still in the depths of fresh grief?  Have you been walking the path awhile?

I am Kayla Yow.  I am 26 years old.  I live in California with my fiance, but I am originally from North Carolina.  If you would like to know more about us and how we met, you can read the posts, A Boy & A Girl and How We Met.

Our baby's name is Bo Ortiz.  I was only 9 weeks pregnant when I had a miscarriage.  We were not able to find out the sex of our baby, but we wanted him or her to have a name and a Certificate of Life. 

We were overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant, so we told everyone, not realizing that about 8 weeks later we would be telling everybody that our baby had went to Heaven.

My miscarriage happened on 11/21/12, a day I will never forget.  Some days it feels like it has been years since it happened, while other days it feels like it just happened yesterday.

The grief is overwhelming some days.  There are triggers that set it off, like seeing someone announce that they are pregnant, seeing ultrasound and baby bump pictures, hearing a certain song, and  even going to the grocery store.

But, the healing is there, too.  I have God, my fiance, my mom, family, friends, online support groups, and many other women I have met who have traveled this journey as well.

I know I just have to take it one day {sometimes even one hour} at a time.

Why I Write

I write because it helps.  

By sharing my story, I am allowing myself to grieve and heal.  I am putting myself out there because I know that miscarriages happen often.

Death/loss is a part of life.

I hope that by writing, someone, somewhere will be touched.  I hope that someone will receive some comfort from my writing.

I am offering support.  I have been there.  I hope if someone comes to my blog, sees my story, and has been through a miscarriage or some other type of loss, that they feel they can contact me for support.

I am here to help.  Yes, I am still grieving, but I know how it feels.  I know the pain.  I know the anger.

My main reason for writing though, is to share my story.  To share Bo's story.  I want the world to know that it doesn't matter how long I was pregnant or whether or not I delivered him or her, Bo is a person {Jeremiah 1:5}.

He or she is my angel now, watching over me from Heaven.

Hugs for the Holidays

Today, I am linking up with Four Plus an Angel for Hugs for the Holidays.

I believe this a great idea and will offer support to many individuals who need the most comfort during the holiday season.

They also have a Pinterest board called Hugs for the Holidays that they are sharing.

The story I am using and linking up with is An Angel for my Angel.

Please visit some of the other link-ups and support them today as well.