Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Day 3: Pregnancy Photo



Day 3:  Pregnancy Photo

June 3, 2013

I love all of my pregnancy photos, but I chose these two to share today!

My pregnancy photos are so important to me because they are the only photos I have of Bo!

They mean so much to me!

I am so happy that I decided to take so many photos of myself while I was pregnant, and if I had known then what I know now, I would have taken even more photos!

You may not be able to see it, but I can clearly remember what I was feeling when these photos were taken!

I was so happy that my baby was growing inside of me!  I was so thrilled to have this miracle to call my own!

I was and am so in love with my baby boy, Bo!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Baby Dust by Deanna Roy

The other day, Wednesday, to be exact, I bought six books from Amazon.com.  Four of the books are related to miscarriages & pregnancy loss, and the other two are about pregnancy for first-time moms.  I figured these books would help me the most right now.  (While I will not be a first-time mom when I get pregnant again, most things that happen will be new to me.  I was only pregnant for 12 weeks when I had a miscarriage, so I missed out on the bigger things that happen during a pregnancy.)

Yesterday, I finished reading the book, Baby Dust:  A Novel about Miscarriage and Stillbirth by Deanna Roy.  This book was absolutely amazing.  Incredible.  Beautiful.




As I was reading the book, I kept thinking, "Yep.  That happened to me," or "That is exactly what I thought when I had my miscarriage," or "Wow!  I am not so crazy, after all!"

This book made me realize that no matter what, I did what I had to do to survive during my miscarriage, and that it was okay.  I was okay.  I was not crazy!

So, if you have not read this book, please go check it out.  Right now, in honor of International Women's Day, the eBook version is half-price (only $2.99) and is on sale for 48 hours only (according to A Place for Our Angels - Miscarriage and Stillbirth Memorials).  Even if you cannot buy the book right now, the normal price for the eBook version is only $5.99.

And, if you do not have a Kindle (I do not have one), you can get the Kindle reading app for free for your Computer, Smartphone, or Tablet.  I read books on my computer, then when I am tired of sitting at the computer, I switch to the phone.  That way, I can read while lying in bed, riding the bus, or sitting in a doctor's office.  It is wonderful!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

How to Help when Talking

After my miscarriage, a couple of people have told me that they just did not know what to say to me, so they didn't say anything at all.  Besides that, some people would say the worst things possible.  Things that really hurt.  So, after talking to some friends and receiving some help, I have come up with some things that are helpful to say to someone who has experienced a loss and some things that were very hurtful and not helpful at all.

What to Say
*I am very sorry for your loss* - This is the most simple, but it is also one of the most beneficial.

*I don't know what to say* - Be honest, but also be there.

*I am thinking of you* - Just let the person know you care.

*If you ever want to talk, I am here to listen* - Don't just say this.  Actually be there to listen.  No matter what.  When a person experiences loss, they go through many stages.  They could be happy, sad, angry, crying, or laughing.  They could also be all of these at the same time.  Just be there.  They will appreciate it.

*I can't imagine what you are going through* - Again, be honest.  Let them know that you don't know how they feel, but that you care.

*Other things that helped are hugs, shoulders to cry on, and asking if they need help with anything like cooking or cleaning (then follow through with helping them).*

What NOT to Say
*You can always try again (At least you're young, you can always have more)* - Some women can't try to get pregnant again, and if they can, it doesn't mean that they did not want their Angel baby.  Plus they will have all these new fears, if and when, they do get pregnant again.

*Everything happens for a reason (Some things just aren't meant to be)* - While this seems like a good thing to say, it does not always make the person feel better (especially if they don't know the reason or can't find out the reason).

*You were lucky* - I do not know what makes people think you were lucky when you lost a child, but there is nothing lucky about it.  Even though I was blessed that I did not bleed more or receive permanent damage from the miscarriage, I was not lucky when I lost my child.  And neither were any of the other women who lost their children.

*At least you weren't that far along*  - It does not matter how far along a women is in her pregnancy, she is carrying a human being, a person, another life inside of her.  Whether she loses her child when she is 2 weeks pregnant or 32 weeks pregnant, she has lost apart of herself.  She has lost a child.

*It's for the best (it's a good thing)*  - Another very inconsiderate thing to say.  I'm sure the best thing to happen was not losing a child.  Even if the parents could not afford to raise a child, they do not want their child to pass away.

*You should be thankful for the children you do have* - I am sure that all moms know this.  If they have other children, I am sure they are thankful for them.  Probably even more thankful for them after the loss.

*You just weren't ready to have children* - Many woman have unplanned pregnancies, but it does not mean that they aren't ready.  Most of the time, motherly instincts kick in immediately, and mothers do everything in their power to become ready for their children.  We would do anything for our children.  And, I mean anything.

*It's not okay to cry, be sad, or be angry* - Unless you have been in the situation, you don't know how it feels.  You don't know the emotions that women, men, and families go through.  It is okay to cry.  It is okay to be sad.  It is okay to be angry.  And, it is okay to show these emotions!

*It's your fault* - This was not personally said to me, and I am so happy it wasn't because I may have punched the person that said it.  I mean how stupid and inconsiderate could you be.  Remember, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

*Other things that hurt and do not help are when people pretend they don't see you, they don't talk to you, or they refuse to acknowledge your child.  Don't avoid the subject because you think you will be reminding mothers about their child because trust me they do not forget.  They will never forget. And, acknowledge their child.  If a mother has named her child, use the child's name when talking about him or her.  It lets the mother know that you care.*


Thank you to all of the ladies who gave me their input and helped me with this post.  Thank you Tracy Wantenaar, Cathy, and all of the other ladies who would like to remain anonymous.

Monday, December 3, 2012

My Miscarriage Story

WARNING:  This post may contain some details and information that are considered graphic and explicit in nature to some individuals.

On 9/30/12, I took a pregnancy test after being 3 days late on my cycle.  Lo and behold, it was positive.  I couldn’t believe it because of my history (I had been told that I might not be able to get pregnant).  Now with my fiancé and soul mate (I met him in May 2012 and moved in with him June of 2012), I ended up pregnant after only 4 months, and we weren’t even trying (Again, I didn’t think I could get pregnant, and my fiancé also didn’t think he could have children).

Everything was going fine, until 11/7/12.  I went in for my first ultrasound, and according to my LMC, I was supposed to be 9W6D.  The ultrasound showed that the baby was only measuring 7W3D.  And, there was no heartbeat showing.  The doctor did not seem positive, but I was.  On Saturday, 11/17/12, I started bleeding after sex.  I totally freaked and ended up in the ER.  They did my ultrasound and said that I was measuring 9W, but there was no heartbeat.  Again, I remained positive.  I had faith in God (and I still do).  They told me to go back to my doctor to have blood tests done to check my HCG levels and to have another ultrasound done.  I already had an ultrasound scheduled for 11/20/12, so I called my doctor to schedule appointments for my blood work.

On 11/20/12, I went in for my ultrasound.  The news was not good.  The baby measured 9W2D as it should, but again there was no heartbeat or fetal activity.  The doctor began talking about a D&C and several other things that I cannot even remember because I blanked out.  I walked out of the office crying for the second time, but I was also professing that God was in control.  No matter what happened, God was and is in control.

That night, I started bleeding more heavily and clotting.  I also started cramping some.  Not enough to get worried according to the doctors I saw when I went to the ER, but enough that I knew what was happening.  I went to bed with a very heavy heart.  The next morning (11/21/12) I woke up, woke up my fiancé, and told him we had to get back to the hospital.  I was having a miscarriage, and I knew it.  We walked to the bus stop (we don’t have a car, and I was not in a lot of pain, so I was trying not to call 911), and we took the first bus to our stop for the next bus ride, which would take us to the hospital I had recently been to.  While waiting for the bus at the bus stop, I started to feel very nauseous, dizzy, light-headed, and I seriously thought I was going to pass out.  Luckily we were right at another hospital.

I barely made it to the back of the hospital.  I was sweating profusely, but had cold chills.  I was blacking out.  I could barely walk due to the pain that I was in.  I was cramping so much it felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside out.  I also thought that I was going to vomit everywhere, and I had nothing on my stomach but some Mountain Dew.  And, I was crying my eyes out.  My fiancé is frantically trying to find a door to get in the hospital, but they were all locked (we were in the back of the hospital).  As he was trying to find a door and some help, a lady walked by in a knee-length, white coat (I assumed she was a doctor, but I don’t know.  I do know for a fact she was an employee of the hospital).  I called out to this lady for help.  “Ma’am, can you please help me?”  She looked at me, turned her head, and kept walking.  This happened a couple of times.  I watched as this lady scanned her ID and went into one of the doors that my fiancé had knocked on and tried to open.  She had something in her hands, so I figured she was going to put it down, and she was going to come back.  She didn’t.  As a matter of fact, I never saw this lady again at the hospital after that point.  {I wanted to add this part in because I feel that this lady needs prayer.  And, a lot of it.  I hope that she is never like this with her patients.  I pray that she opens her heart and finds the strength and courage she needs to help others who are in need.}

After about 5 minutes of searching (it felt like hours), my fiancé found someone to help me.  Two very nice security guards showed up with a wheelchair and rushed me to the ER, where I was treated by some friendly and some not-so friendly staff.  For the most part, everyone did what they could to make sure that I was okay.  I was given morphine for the pain and an IV to keep fluids in me.  The doctor and nurse checked me and stated that I was bleeding way too much, so they moved me to a bed in the main ER area.  They hooked me up to a couple of machines that kept check of my heart rate and my blood pressure.

After about an hour or two, the doctor came in and said that my blood work was fine, so he was going to put some medicine in me to slow the bleeding, which he did.  It worked, and within the next hour I was in another room with the OB/GYN having a pelvic exam done to make sure everything was okay.  She said that I was fine.  My cervix was still dilated to a 2, but that was normal, and it would close on its own.  My doctor came back in and told me I was being released.  The nurse came back in shortly after that and gave me my release papers, checked my vitals, and said I was good to go home.

I went home that night, I cried, and I went to bed.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

7 Weeks

10/18 thru 10/24


{W7D5}
<3 So in love with Baby Ortiz already <3

*Maternity clothes?*
Nada.

*Stretch marks?*
No new ones!

*Sleep?*
Sleeping when I can.  Tossing and turning a lot, having a lot of lower back pain and hip pain, and my sciatic nerve has been bothering me.

*Best moment this week?*
When my momma gave me money to buy donuts and other great foods that I was craving!

*Miss anything?*
I actually wanted a Strawberry Daiquiri or some alcoholic beverage this week {which is kind of crazy because I haven't had alcohol in over 5 months}.

*Movement?*
Still too early.

*Food cravings?*
Donuts, yogurt, fresh fruit, ice cream, Chinese, and Japanese.  I craved pretty much anything and everything that I did not have in my house at that time.

*Anything making you queasy or sick?*
Nothing in particular really, except eggs.  But not all eggs.  Only if I think about cooking them or seeing them cooked in my house.  I actually still want eggs, but I want them already made at a restaurant {like with a plate of food or on a sandwich}!  Weird!

*Gender?*
Too early to tell.

*Labor signs?*
Way to early for these.

*Belly button in or out?*
Still in, and I still have my belly button ring in (don't know for how much longer, though!).

*Mood?*
Very cranky and easily annoyed {think it has something to do with the pain I am in and the sleep I'm not getting}!

*Looking forward to?*
My prenatal care appointment on 10/25.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

6 Weeks

10/11 thru 10/17


{W6D2}



*Maternity clothes?*
Nope.

*Stretch marks?*
Not yet!

*Sleep?*
Sleeping longer, better hours now.  Still having some crazy dreams.

*Best moment this week?*
My doctor's appointment when they confirmed my pregnancy and eased some of my worries by answering my questions.

*Miss anything?*
Not yet.

*Movement?*
Still too early.

*Food cravings?*
I am still craving sweets, especially cinnamon rolls.

*Anything making you queasy or sick?*
Typical nausea throughout the week {no vomiting still! - yay!}, then on W6D6, I got extremely nauseous from the simplest smells.  Also, my prescription causes nausea, so yea, that sucks!

*Gender?*
Too early to tell.

*Labor signs?*
Way to early for these.

*Belly button in or out?*
Definitely in.

*Mood?*
Feeling better since I am almost through with my prescription, but still having crazy mood swings.  I go from laughing to crying to angry to laughing again in such little time, it is outrageous.  I am also getting super annoyed, super easily these days.

*Looking forward to?*
Finishing my prescription on Friday, 10/19.

5 Weeks

10/4 thru 10/10


{W5D3 - Taken on my birthday, 10/6}


*Maternity clothes?*
Definitely not!

*Stretch marks?*
Still no new ones!

*Sleep?*
Very restless - sleeping in about 4 to 5 hour segments at the beginning, then started sleeping better, with longer hours, at the end of the week.  Still having crazy dreams.

*Best moment this week?*
My birthday!  I got doughnuts! :)

*Miss anything?*
Nope.

*Movement?*
Way too early.

*Food cravings?*
Nothing this week.

*Anything making you queasy or sick?*
This week was a pretty good week.  Only felt sick one day.

*Gender?*
Too early to tell.

*Labor signs?*
Way to early for these.

*Belly button in or out?*
Definitely in.

*Mood?*
Still cranky from the lack of sleep.

*Looking forward to?*
My 2nd doctor's appointment on 10/11.

4 Weeks

9/27 thru 10/3

Took my pregnancy test on 9/30 and got a positive result, which was Week 4 Day 4.

{M.J. looking at the belly!}

{M.J. rubbing the belly!}

*Maternity clothes?*
Definitely not!

*Stretch marks?*
No new ones!

*Sleep?*
Very restless - sleeping in about 4 to 5 hour segments.  Also having crazy dreams.

*Best moment this week?*
Taking the pregnancy test, and seeing the positive result.

*Miss anything?*
Nope.

*Movement?*
Way too early.

*Food cravings?*
Cinnamon rolls.

*Anything making you queasy or sick?*
Nauseous in the morning and from random smells.

*Gender?*
Too early to tell.

*Labor signs?*
Way to early for these.

*Belly button in or out?*
Definitely in.

*Mood?*
A little cranky, but otherwise great.

*Looking forward to?*
My 1st doctor's appointment on 10/5.

Pregnancy Questionnaire

So I found these super cute surveys and questionnaires on some other blogs, and I wanted to do them.
{I will be trying my best to do one for each week of my pregnancy, as well!}

*Is this your first child?*
Yes, it is the first child for both of us.  Our miracle baby.

*What day did you find out you were pregnant?*
Sunday, September 30, 2012 - Around 10:30 P.M.

*How did you feel when you found out?*
Disbelief & pure ecstasy.  Again our miracle baby.  Neither one of us thought we could have children.

*Who was with you when you found out?*
Justin, of course.  I took the test and left it laying on the bathroom sink to go get him so that we could read the results together.

*When is your due date?*
June 6, 2013

*Have you had an ultrasound?*
No, hopefully soon, though!

*Have you heard the heartbeat?*
No, not yet!

*Sex of the baby*
Too early to tell

*What do you want?  Boy or Girl?*
I personally have always wanted twins.  One boy and one girl.  But, I am happy with either.  I just want a healthy baby.

*Who is going to be with you when you deliver?*
Justin, and I would love for my mom to be there, but we live on different coasts of the U.S.

*Are you going to video tape the birth?*
Probably not.  I am not sure if it is even allowed.  But, I would love for pictures to be taken.

*Natural or medicated birth?*
We will see how it goes.  I would love to have a natural delivery, but if medications are needed, then so be it.

*Do you think you will cry when you first hold your baby?*
Absolutely!

*Do you know what you will say to the baby when you first hold him/her?*
I am not sure, but I imagine it will be, "I love you," "Mommy loves you," or something along those lines.

*Are you scared about the labor?*
It is way to early for that.

*Do you have a name picked out?*
Actually, we do.  We have a name for a girl and a boy already chosen.

*Is your baby going to be named after anyone?*
Yes.  If it is a boy, the middle name will be after my brother who passed away.  If it is a girl, the middle name will be after Justin's father, who has also passed away.

*Did the daddy help pick out the name?*
Yes, he did.

*Have you felt the baby move?*
No, that is way too early.

*What was your first pregnancy symptom?*
I would have to say swollen, sore, tender boobs.

*Will you have godparents?*
We are not sure.  I would like to.